A beautiful Mess

You asked too many irrelevant questions.
If you are that sincere, would 5.30am be too early to send your 'girlfriend' to the airport?

I'm an independent lady.
I don't need anyone to take care of me.
But you totally pissed me off tonight.

Stop calling me.
Stop it.
Just stop.

Sick of your explanations.

That night you said 11.45pm after movie was late.
And you only told me tonight you are feeling feverish.
What, are you expecting me to read your mind.

Time is like the main issue huh.
11.45pm too late, 5.30am too early.
'Unless i take the cab with you because i don't have a car.'
I cant believe it took me 12 months to realize we might not be compatible.
I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter (as i relate this to Faith)..

I'm blogging this because i'm so mad.
At you, ZQ. You, creamy.
Go away.

--

J, please dont invest too much in me..
Up to this point, i am still very very unsure.
I don't have faith in myself.
And i am afraid of letting go..

I wanna dig a hole and bury myself deep in.
Today at the bazaar, i had 7 hours to think about my life.
I decided i will get down to leading a normal life, find a regular job and give up on my apparel business slowly. As much as i don't want to, i think its only practical to have a stable job even if it means that i'll be earning a few thousand lesser.

But i hope Mummy will give me some time.
Afterall, my online business really gave me a good life before/after graduation.
I traveled freely for 2 years and i got most of the luxury items, when i want, as i want.

After March, i will get down to sending out resumes.
Needa clear out mess in my head.

I am almost 24.
No time to lose.

--

If you've been keeping up with me, i sorta psycho-ed myself into believing that the other J is not the one for me. Though i really like his company. Went crazy over him for 2 weeks. It's over. Shanice doesn't have anyone she likes at the moment. Just focus on making money, God will send someone near-perfect for me when the time is ripe. Someday when 'you' appear, i promise i'll love you with all my heart, even if it means getting hurt.

Right now, i don't feel like getting hurt.
So please don't make me hurt you.
We all need to guard our heart.

I'm dead beat.
Groggy as hell.
(Prolly blogging nonsense as well. antibiotics is killing me)