gooTness...wanna cry after reading why you type on your blog J. why am i so emotional these days...crying over a silly matter...maybe it's just me.

anyway, remember that D.I.S.C. course we once had back in PLMGSS?? well, took it again in SRJC. i'd shift from a high "d" to a high "i". The trainee (Jerene) said she'll remember me forever...cause im too action and talk non-stop. actually, i can get really quiet and introvert if my mood screws up. But nonetheless, I HATE ATTENTION...too much will just make me hate myself for being too irritating in other's eyes.

Meowz..what's going through my head now..let me see.. WHY ARE PEOPLE GETTING ATTACHED SO EASILY????? not that im jealous people is getting attached, but i do believe one shoudnt rush into a relationship just because someone is attracted to you. aint that too shallow??? Love's just a side-dish...why not just cherish the love you share with your family and friends?? others can come later when we can handle things better..for now, relationships can get really PLATONIC...ok..it's me..my thinking..

weather's down these days...where's my SUN??

S sat at the bus-stop waiting for J. it was pouring...and it immediately reminds S of the South China Sea. S knows that J's busy and perhaps S should just go and get the stuff herself. then she asked politely what is the thing to buy and a sms came from J asking if S was rushing for time and why didnt S tell J earlier that she wanted to get the stuff first. S's heart crushed and for a simple reason. S sat at the bus-stop crying. S was alone, it was raining and many people were at the bus-stop sheltering themselves from the rain. S meant well...she didnt want to trouble J and initiated getting the stuff first to save time for J. J didnt see it. S knew J wasnt in the best of mood because people in the "sales" line are very moody when they dont meet a certain target. S forgave J and keep quiet about the whole thing. J came at last and shelted S to get the stuff...it was really quiet considering the fact both of them can be noisy. J asked if anything was okay with S. of course S will say everything's fine...why make J worry over a lil' problem?! the silence broke when J was eating her lunch with S's company. the rest of the day spent together was greatly appreciated by S because J helped S with some computer stuff. the simple reason why S cried was because she tried to be helpful and wanted to get the stuff first. well, J didnt seem to get the same idea as S and ended up sending S a sms with a really mean and impatient tone. S doesnt think she's over-reacting or being petty..its just that...its just that...J means alot to her as a friend....
with all the emotions flooding over S as she sat at the bus-stop watching the raindrops fall onto the road, she wrote a sms:

Sometimes, i wish people can lighten their tone when speaking to me if they happen to be in a foul mood that day..i dont deserve to be pissed at for fun..

you'll know who u are...right?? dont worry, im fine now..really grateful for your help J.

wah...SAT course is finally over. =) im so gonna miss my Al"flirt" husband, layleng my Da_Lao_Po...so many others in ao4..my original beloved class. actually a03 aint too bad either. got Di Di (rushdy) my lil' sister to bully...subhashini my lesbian dear..my girl clique..must look at things from another (positive) perspective as what Zhichao said. Haha, and darn...spermy (marcus) got all 3 SAT tests higher than me..then again, i helped him so much ok!!!! =P Ought to buy me dinner some day...that stoopid squirtee..haha...kidding..he's really lame..cannot swallow saliva..always try to be violent with me. =)

anyway, this blog of mine so nice because of this one person called Jennifer my dearest "gor". i kinda just sign up for broadband...good..mum wont complain about the slow connection liao. hee, that night..me and my older sister emily caught my mum surfing *ahem* website.....with us in the studyroom...!!!! gooTness..wanna faint liao!!

haha, BBQ at condo next monday..someone whom im not very pleased with is coming along...really feel like asking the security guard to chase him out. i cant do that..fuuucck...okok...must be less vulguar...those of you that know me, im seriously not those sort who keeps swearing lor..only when im in shock or upset then i keep cursing..

cheryl my dearest best friend in coming back soon..dec5th...one day before SAT exam..then i have my stoopid OGL camp till dec8th. which means i can only see her after that...i really miss her....suffered hell w/o her by my side..yes yes..im lesbian..so, GUYS JUST BACK OFF!!! (like in the first place which guy is interested in me..) heh, think cheryl put on some weight..cant believe she was the prom queen during our "Cambridge dinner" in PLMGSS...my bes friend?? ooohh...haha....gooTness!!! =P

oh, i went for movies on Sat with this close friend of mine..."cold creek manor" and "wishing stairs" suck big time..was trying to make myself scared...and i failed...so many people and the plot was crap...i mean they build up the atmosphere so nicely then the next thign you know: the scene changes to DAYTIME...in a ghost show...how freaking ANTI-CLIMAX was that...

Hmm...shanice is a bitch and a slut...im feeling really guilty about something..haha..but that person keep telling me it's not my fault..please..i know im partly at fault. it's like this: mistress or wife...i rather be the mistress lor..haha...think u guys roughly got what i mean..*slaps myself*

oh, it's Edward's birthday today. really sorry i dont wanna go. you should understand my current situation. =) give you late celebration? cant believe mum forgot out pocket money for 3 weeks...see why im broke and surviving on water???

hee, squash selection coming up....will not get in..too lousy...im the JACK OF ALL TRADE, MASTER OF NONE!!! haha..shanice that good for nothing (adapted from mom).
dunno whether to hate myself or what for being a failure in many areas of life..haha..wah..tired...wanna sleep liao....SAT course killed my rest for the entire week..glad it's over..

MEOWZ......................!!!!!!

Sheesh..im promoted out of pure luck and by the grace and mercy of God. :) -laughs- anyway, cheryl my bestest friend is coming back to Singapore from perth soon, really can't wait to see her..i missed her so much!!! like although we did argue over trival stuff, i think out friendship is still very strong. Really glad melissa, liyu and jennifer are still close to me considering the fact that we hardly even meet or call each other anymore. -sobz-

i've changed so so much (physically and mentally) ever since i left the "shelthering walls of PL". now shanice is really negative and very much almost a loner inside. i dont know what to do to help myself. People in my college are so 2-faced and hypocrites. In SRJC, i can't utilise leadership skills i've learnt in PL. i cant really be the real me...people are so different and i have to "protect" myself in order to survive. Remember Mrs Lum telling me that society will be worst. i make myself sound so pathetic...WHY?! Only jenn gor can make me feel better...she's my "wisdom tree"..thank God for her. :)

anyway, there's really so much i wanna do this holiday...spend time on work, with cheryl and friends...wanna take-care of my hair...shouldn't have keep twisting it up in college..it's like there's this mark on my hair liao..makes it look wavy..yucks!!! Dad said he will sponsor me for some hair treatment..guess i'll do it next week after PW OP. hmmm...dont think i can highlight my hair liao...mum will say im Ah lian...haha..like whenever since Shanice is known to be a bad girl?? the unbelievable fact is that im the "black sheep" of my family. those of you that knows my family, you should know im nothing compared to what both my sisters are...SMART and BETTER RUNNERS than i am. Yes yes..i shouldnt compare.

MEOWZ......................................