Why I Don’t Want My Miscarriage To Stay Secret

I cried once again when i watched Andy and Sonia's miscarriage story.
I too, had a miscarriage between 8-11 weeks last Oct and it was a tough journey.



Read my story here in 2 parts.
Will be starting a weekly vlog update on my pregnancy journey by the end of this month, hope it empowers or encourage other women out there.

We never know why we had to go through this but we know we can always trust in Him.

The silent miscarriage:
http://bunchoffluff.blogspot.sg/2014/10/week-11-silent-miscarriage.html

Evacuation of Uterus:
http://bunchoffluff.blogspot.sg/2014/10/ev-of-uterus-dilation-and-curettage.html

Phua Soo Mear review

2 week post D&C update:

Did an ultrasound yesterday at Dr Phua's to confirm everything was well.
Weighing 42kg, i'm glad my weight is slowly picking up.
Next step is to wait for period.

Prior to this pregnancy, i was visiting Dr Kowa at Mount E regularly.
He monitors my PCOS condition and i'm fond of his service, friendliness and medical knowledge.
Only downside was the waiting time in his clinic despite having made an appointment.
Dr Kowa's consultation rates ($90), ultrasound ($90) and medicine were on the higher end.
His clinic is huge and he gives very clear ultrasound photos.
Personality wise, he is very kind-spirited, gentle, encouraging and wears a smile all the time.
He gives a lot of information without me asking and never rushes through an appointment.
Dr Kowa wears very lovely bow-ties if you are a fashionista. Haha!

We visited Dr Phua to confirm my pregnancy out of convenience.
He's located very near kovan mrt and its just 5 bus stops away from my place.
His consultation charges ($45 from 2nd consultation onwards), ultrasound etc were about half of Dr Kowa's.
Personality wise, he appeared to be gentle and soft-spoken.
But he is the type of doctor you have to keep probing for answers because he won't tell you much unless you ask.
Or maybe all doctors are like that, they don't acknowledge the foetus unless it hits the second trimester. And sounded nonchalant on every visit.
Waiting time is bearable. It's a decent sized clinic, but just not much privacy when conversations are exchanged. Technology wise, i think its comparable to Dr Kowa's.

I would think he did a good job on the procedure at Thomson Medical Centre.
He charged me $520 for D&C and the anaesthetist fee was $300.
The rest of the bill was covered by medisave.
This miscarriage is costly, no doubt.

Lovely dinner hosted by Keh and Dorothy, who prayed along with us, assured, comforted, guided, encouraged us through God's words. They are like family, role models and mentors to us. Always sharing what God can do in our lives, reminding us of God's love and power. Thank you for being such a blessing to us. I pray God continue to use both of you mightily to bless others and for you both to receive greater blessings from Him who loves beyond.

Dr Phua Soo Mear
Senior consultant obstetrician & gynaecologist
211 Hougang St. 21 #01-289
Singapore 530211

KOWA CLINIC & SURGERY FOR WOMEN
Mt Elizabeth Medical Centre
#16-17/18 Level 16
Singapore 228510

My experience: EV of uterus, dilation and curettage (D&C)

Checked into Thomson Medical Centre at 10.37am for the D&C procedure.
Was freaked out when the nurse inserted Cytotec into me, after which i was just shaking uncontrollably. I don't think it was because of the cold but probably some side effects. Which was good in a way because i couldn't feel the cramps or any pain.

Am so thankful for Marcus' love, support, encouragement and just being by my side to go through this ordeal together. It's a closure and its certainly a joy being able to experience pregnancy for 11 weeks (: I will never forget the past 3 weeks of sheer excitement and joy upon finding out the miracle in my womb.

Very quickly (about 45-60mins), i was wheeled into the waiting area while the nurses did more paperwork and the routine questions. By 12.25pm, i was knocked out fast in the operating theatre after whining (a lot) as they inserted the IV into me. I really hate having that plug jammed into my hand, traumatises me like crazy.

By 12.53pm, i was awake and since everything was stable, i was wheeled back to my day surgery ward at basement 1. Gees, machiam like dungeon ok. Basement 1, joke. Marcus swung by at 1.30pm with longan drink and soy bean for me. Love my baby to bits! Hospital did provide hot milo and some crackers. With no discomfort, pain or nauseousness, we were discharged at 3pm.

My courage came from Him, my one true source of comfort, trust and hope. God is still good and will always be sovereign. How can i allow myself to be blind to God's goodness and presence in my life (:

Bubye baby Ellie.

Your grace is sufficient for me.

Unsubscribe

I guess thats what i did immediately.

Unsubscribe to all pregnancy mailing lists, cancelled all the maternity tours, deleted iPhone apps, put away the one and only pregnancy gift from Faith.

Read up on D&C procedure and ended up freaking myself out.

I know we can try again, thats hardly the point.
My flesh died, my heart is in pain.
It wouldn't be half as bad if not for the pregnancy hormones that are making me emotional and the continuous replay of baby's heartbeat 3 weeks ago in my mind.

I am at peace that God is with us every step of the journey and He is a gracious God. He wouldn't have allowed an unhealthy pregnancy to happen, just that the baby wasn't fit enough for survival and He definitely have bigger and better plans for us.

Am grateful for the support and prayers given to myself and Marcus during this period.

week 11 The Silent Miscarriage

What filled our hearts was sadness and loss during the checkup this morning.
Strangely, my weight dropped even more this week, bringing it to 41.4kg today.
There wasn't any sign of miscarriage and i suffered from moments of morning sickness the past 3 weeks.
Foetus was still measuring 8 weeks today and no heartbeat could be detected.

We did both US and transvaginal to confirm, but there was nothing.
He couldn't pick out blood flow near the fetus and noticed jagged uterus walls.
Gynae was certain the pregnancy is unhealthy and chromosomal abnormalities being the likely cause of the miscarriage. He assured me it is nothing to do with what i eat or what i have been doing or what i have not done. Every miscarriage case is an isolated event and many go on to have successful pregnancies. And so, we were scheduled for the procedure on Thursday to clear my uterus :(

We loved the baby the moment she was formed in my womb.
How the news tore our heart and soul to pieces..
We wanted this baby so much, but now we have to give her back to the Lord.

God gives, God takes away.
God is faithful like He has always been and we trust His plans are always good.
I know my every tear matters to Him and He will bring us comfort, strength, peace and restore my health and joy.

But my heart is grieving.
We can only put our hope and trust in God, that in His time, He will make all things beautiful for us.
God is still good, and we stand on His promises, He will go through this with us.
"He will turn my mourning into dancing".