Takeaways for today:
 
Tingting is actually very nice..a wonder she can still remember me and what subject combination i take. *grinz* Realised that she's very fair..

Globalisation..we've been on this damned topic, close to 3 weeks.

Mr Mark Tan can be quite hilarious..he'll never stop teasing me..

Finally my tummy is functioning well again..no more drowsy medicines!!

I love seaweed.
I love seaweed.
I love seaweed.
I love seaweed.

Yeah...this is so fun..haha..do it with bread as well. *grinz*

Haha..try using a straw to poke holes on your cheese. Then blow them out and eat it. This will make eating more fun. =)

So whats with eating Ms G's raisins?? Mr Tan fired back that my raisins were with someone else...eeeewwww...whats wrong with these lit teachers?! Haha..we all had fun laughing though. [except maybe Sobhran was laughing the loudest for no reasons..he always does. *turned off*]

Its 46 days to prelims. Im off.

Purpose dot com

The movie "Sisters" is actually quite bloody, sadistic and gross. Scary. Not!!! But the scene whereby she got raped (by her Step-father) was definitely well-shot. Just the sound of the spring from the bed and nothing else.. It's horrifying...guys ought to be shot. *finds a big GUN*

*purposedotcom*
- a place where you'll find a purpose in everything you do. *winks*

I selectively picked 2 presents that meant the most to me and post them up. From Kimmy and Edward. They rest also mean alot to me, but i'll be stupid to snap all of them and post them up right. Haha.

PLMGS muscial was great! Got to catch up with many friends and teachers. Did you guys see my sisters on stage?? Haha.. 

I can't read my doctor's penmanship, but i guess im down with Gastroentritis? Err...stomach cramp and food poisoning in short.  Yupz..gotta rest and study now. 4 different medicine is abit too much for me to take..

18th Birthday

18..i thought it was a good age. NOT! As you older, birthdays just suck. This year, nobody sang me a decent birthday song and my strawberry cake was nowhere in sight. Most of all, my loved ones were not by my side. What's the rationale behind celebrating a birthday? God's creation, parent's love product, Mum's love or me being on Earth? *shrugs*

It's Tribute Time. *smiles*

[sms-es]

Melissa..for being the first to wish me happy birthday tho' its not 12 yet. For being my bust friend, for being there for me. For wanting to help me and all these comforts me a great deal. Can't wait to see you later at the musical. We needa talk and hug each other tight..

Edward..for being the second to wish me tho' its also not 12 yet. For loving me so deeply, for who i am, for everything you've done for me. Sorry for the hurt i've bought you. You have no idea how much im thankful you're with me most of the time. For your honesty, time, passion and so much much more. I'll tell ya in person. Heh..i thought that the card was pretty and of course that time capsule was priceless. *meowz* And to the rest of you, no, im not in love. Haha. Congrats on your econs and gp..you never fail to make me proud of you, smarty-pants. =P

Cousins..for being the third. Yes, all those porny emails i get from you all. Haha..tho we're of a huge age gap, you guys treat me just like ur little sister. I love you both korgors. Hee.

Zihui..for being the fourth. Love you so much..i hardly establish such a bond with juniors and im glad both of us..you know.. Yes, i cherish you and want you to be happy. Hope to see you sing well for the PLMGSS musical later in the evening. *hugs* You can run to me if you're down or upset okie?? I'll be there for you..

Alfred..for being the fifth. =) My lao_gong..haha..all the times we spent together struggling with our math. And the motivation you gave me to keep me from falling. Pulling me closer to our Father. I love that book so much..thanks!!

Layleng..for all your hugs that makes us both more flat. Esp when i cry in school. Okie, i know its like all the time..Haha..thanks for the book u bought with Alfred. You're my lucky star too. *hugs*

Jasmine..for being the sixth in line to wish me. =) Im so happy to know you and liking you then was never regretted. Hee..all the best with ur lollipop yea..

Peichin..for being the 7th. I love you so much..missed you..really hope you'll recover from the operation soon. Thanks for remembering me dear..muacks! i read ur blog..haha..

Faith..for being the 8th. 12 years of friendship..we'll keep it going yea! Thanks alot for ur sms too. ACJC rox! Haha..

Kimmy..for being the 9th. Haha..internet friend whom i've never met up with. He sent me roses..aint that so so sweet?? We can survive w/o having meet face to face right! Please..no anime shop.. *grinz*

Esther..for being the 10th. SOUL member..haha..she can sing so well...but you didnt sing me a birthday song. =P Hope you're doing just fine babe..we can survive w/o guys!

Sork Chin..for being the 11th. Haha...you've been a nice and caring girl. I miss those times at squash whereby we can just hit balls hard!!!

Bernard (2a05)..for being the 12th to wish me. Hee..im appreciative you remembered my birthday, 2 years in a row. Thanks yea.. =)

Sinyin..for being the 13th. This pretty girl with big eyeslaughs at everything i say...haha..can't wait to see you during the musical!!

Jason..for being the 14th. Yes, you're Edward's best friend and we dont know each other well. Probably seen each other like 3 times and you wishing me made me smile. =) Thanks so much..hope u get what you want. *winks*

Chipmunk..for being the 15th. Haha..yes..you're part of my animal farm and those lovely cheeks are totally driving me insane. *lolz* Let's keep those stuff we said from Jasmine tea..haha..

Jenn..for being the 16th. You're always willing to take all sorts of nonsense i vomit out and i never want to lose u as a friend and a "brother". Never did i imagine we'll be that "close" too..haha..Please fcuk me up to heaven. =P *smacks my forehead*

Liyu..for being the 17th. Close-friends and retail-therapy biatches forever!! You're sucha gorgeous and horny babe!!! I love those qualities..haha..kidding! =P

Shuling..for being the 18th. For being bothered to wish me.  You're my oldest sister's bust friend and i love you as much as she does. You're so smart and cracks up at the silliest things i say. Hee...stay cool yea!

My babes..for being so secretive with my prez, to such an extent that Gracie had to lie about not bringing it because she didnt wrapped it?? And Angelia's Adidas bottle. =) Nana for saying that answering my question is like doing GP. *lamez* Shuyun for always offering to stay back with me. Tirene for all the laughter on the bus and bearing with my shitty nonsense mouth. Grace for calling me a dragon and penis (eeew!!) like all the time??  Haha..who wants wet kisses from me??? All of you right!! Haha..for being so excited about Edward's prez..for being there for me when i cry or when people think i've the oddest laughter. *asthma* Haha..yes, all my sexual jokes and oh-so-bian-tai noise. Haha..really thankful i have you girls to be with in college and out of college. May our time never run out..cheers to ME..oh...no no..cheers to the animal farm!! =)

Marcus my sperm, Indran, Shuyin, Christoper (*haunts), gary, Mr Eric Sexy-Butt Hui, Ivan, Sashi, Didi my "sister", Chrystella, Aisha, Shikha, Hwee Li, Michelle, Jessie and many many more whom i can't remember offhand. But thanks anyway..i love you all so much. =)

Not forgetting my family. Dad for supporting me and standing up for me and pampering me. Mom for all her scoldings and terrible jokes. Sisters for their nonsense arguments and bitchiness. Lili for helping me to soak my clothes, cooking food thats of my preference for me, lying to mom for me and buying me things i want too. Haha..love-love!! And not forgetting my god-parents. **hugs**

Cheryl..miss you so much. Monaesh is so far away..come back to me!!

Im 18?? I hardly feel it.. 

Many things i wanna update about. Gonna take you a long time to read and a longer time for me to type them out..

The pictures..hope u guys enjoyed viewing them. From my digi cam..how portable and convenient. =) 
*Sidenote for Tirene..thanks for the sharing of pics and the "blur tool"..haha..

That was a birthday celebration for me and Tirene..July babies! I'm gonna be 18 in just about 17 hours..then i'll be a legal bitch!! Haha. No more fake IDs and all those rubbish..can buy liquor...aint that fantastic? Haha..i know i still look kiddy...beats being 88! Yesterday's lunch at the famous porridge store was great...karaoke was even better. All the nonsense singing and lyrics and all the girls posing on the screen...aww...haha..and of course's Nana's favourite MOTH song..haha! A pity Tirene only got to join the celebration for her after the karaoke session. Dinner at chinatown was good too.. =) An enjoyable night but was really too tired to do my work so rushed to finish Mother Sim's econs mcq and fainted on bed..Love you girls for the date. *hugs and wet kisses for you all* Haha..dont reject me! -sticks out a firy tongue-

SRJCians Day was cool....but wearing home clothes to school, aint cool at all. *weird* Had a good interaction time with my classmates and when each of us took turns to speak, it made me feel appreciative in a way or another. I love my class...small as we may be, we still love each other lots! *cheers* At the end of the road, all of us will do well.

I did very badly (to me) for Mid-years. My old studying method aint working, so im taking on new approaches. Gotta stay forcus. When you're at the bottom, it gives you more drive to work and succeed. Positive. If you can't give quality, give quantity. If none works, maybe more help is needed. Support and encourage your friends please. It helps ALOT.

Godfather's still at T.T.S.H. He's never gonna get out of there anymore. Without the breathing equipment, there's no way he can survive for long. Im not praying for a miracle. But im hoping God will take away his sufferings. When i see him laying down on the bed, all my memories with him floods me. He loves me...us (sisters). He used to be a workaholic, big and handsome man, pampers us like shit and he's strong. Because of his past-stubborness, he reduced himself to sucha state. Im sad..of course i am..im more than sad...im.. The doctor said I have to be mentally prepared..how to be?? I've never encountered losing someone i really love. I dont like my grandparents..almost all are gone anyway. My godparents are my closest elderly..Love him..love him..love him..

Maurice..gone for 5 days already...won't be back till next weekend. Dont know why i missed him so much last sunday. A pathetic date - both of us ended up crying while talking. Talking about how i wanna give up everything (im suicidal) and why's everything so bad when it's close to my birthday..it happens every year. Mommy and Maurice will not be with me tomorrow..what kinda celebration will that be? *sad* He's a really good friend...how many guys will cry infront of me while talking about serious issues like dying, family love or giving up? Emotional date..i hate it. Worst date ever..Why is everyone leavin me when im most down or when i need them the most?? Mommy, i'll miss you after tonight..come back from Thailand soon. *hugs and kisses mom* And you Maurice.. 
 
Fatty Wong is ridiculous...ask anyone from our class about that piece of shit. Down with that pig..who's got no neck. *gags*
 
No, i'd stopped crying. But have the urge now and then. It's saddening to see myself sad..like what Kimmy will tell me: why are you engaging in self-pity or sth like that.
 
I love the song "Glory of Love"..lovely.. *smiles* But firstly, i gotta start loving myself first.

I may act like i dont know a shit.
Deep down, i know.
So just fcuk off you piece of shit.

Like a MOTH to a flame

Burned by the fire

That's the way love goes

Who's favourite song is this??? *laughs*

Dejected and abandoned..
 
Crying just makes everything seems worser.
i cried from 1230am till 0340am yesterday-
Seems ridiculous the moment i woke up.
It's just me, i think-
Forced them back into the duct,
again, again and again. 

I've decided to back out of Nationals 04'. Im not prepared, i dont wanna run a race without any aim. Blame it on my lack of discipline to train or bad time-management. I needa get down to my studies instead of making my legs run till they cry out loud. I need support from you all to back up my confirmation. Especially thank Vinay for his words. I won't look back and regret i guess, though many athletes die to be a part of Nationals.
 
Stabs myself HARD..HARDER..HARDEST!!!

Tuition was great today. I know my work so it made the tuition more interactive. Finally ahead in Math. Gonna score for any of the test thats coming..for sure. Im confident. *smiles* But its kinda late cause i didnt do that well for Mid-years..gonna get grounded for shit.
 
Training at SMU was slack. Ran only one set of 1500m. Then a super slow jog outside the premise with coach-on-the-bike and a 22 year old girl. Maybe i'll end up running as slow as her once i hit 22. *shrugs* Did 5 rounds of jogging around the track too. Muscles building up on my legs again...good sign. But think im backing out of the nationals..i'll embarrass myself there. Besides, there're no supporters from SRJC. Check out the rest of the colleges..crapz, they get a day off just to cheer the atheletes on. How would you feel if no one supported you during your event?
 
Then i was with Jasmine throughout till i met Ian and Edward for dinner at Taka. Shan't mention ugly singaporeans that pissed me off like totally!  
 
Supersize Me - made me so so sick...my food was at my throat by the time the documentary ended. *gags*  
   
 

Me and my sisters/lili after a family dinner at Igor's.

Oh, this is way cool man. Thanks to Tirene and Edward for teaching me HELLO.  I finally did it on my own. Haha.
 
New word by Edward: Sexcited. Suppose to be excited. *grinz*
He said thats a description of me. *shakes head* And many other adjectives like shameless, silly, stupid etc. Alliteration with my name. Haha. Aint this a parallel to what Grace said about me?? That i make oh-so-bian-tai sounds?? Haha..since when? =P Maybe im just being pervy..on purpose can! *poot*
 
My darling Grace, so sorry if i hurt you. I was sick not because of you but of something else. *hugs* Please dont be mad at me okie..and stop telling Tirene to fine me!! *args* Haha..
 
Tomorrow
Tuition morning from 8am-10am.
Training from 3pm-5pm.
 
Im life is officially over. Im gonna study my arse off. Im not putting in enough effort. Explains my miserable F-ed grades. I feel sick of myself but I have faith i can do it. Just needa start studying HARDER now and be more exam-smart. Yes yes, study study study. * My heart is racing so fast..im feeling a little suicidal..

Judy Tan is so so nice..in just 1/2 hour, i've already learnt so much from her. Im sure our class did as well. =) And her sweets..yummy! Why can't we have her as our GP tutor instead?? Fatty wong suck to the core?? inner innest core.. *poots at her face*

Why am i always erasing my entry after i've blogged? Beats me..

Love-love.. =)

Melly -> how the hell do u know wyn?! Haha..im shocked!!! Can't wait to see you.. =b

Butterflies

Im so tired..i think i can sleep continuously for many days and not worry when i'll have to wake up. Have to think of creative ways during tutorials and lectures to keep myself awake!

Weather's fab these days - cooling and windy..felt more motivated to stay home and study. *grinz*

Physical status not at peak..im dead for nationals..

Wish Godfather's better, havent visited him at TTSH.

Talk about guys playing soccer and splashing themselves happily with the "juice" accumulated after the rain on the field. Is that gross or gross?

Mum might be abroad on my birthday..haiz..im her greatest creation!!! How can she be away?? Oh wait a sec, that means she's not goin for Parents Day?? (dad's not into school stuff) Yippy.. =)

I saw 2 butterflies today..love em'! *smiles*

Truth or lie

--> Lie to me if you must. But don't ever let me find out.

--> It's easy to forgive, never easy to forget.

--> Luck doesn't stay with you 24/7. Stop depending on it.

--> Having faith takes a lot of effort. Carryin out your faith requires much more committment.

[Im feeling lost and losing myself again..]

Melt..haha..pls dont try playing the violin?? The strings will snap!! Haha..sheesh..havent had my violin lessons for like 1 month liao. Rusty rusty. Yupz..she was fcuking hilarious!! *chuckles* Chinawoman on the street..i was like "errr...". Haha..SPIDEY IS SO SO SEXY!!! *sings along with melt: spiderman spiderman..* =b

Finally caught Spidey and Mean girls. *smiles*

Went to town at 11am for the tickets..RAHZ..hate people draggin me out of my beddie!

Fugly slut..haha..

So guess who i saw..MELISSA TNG BAO SHAN!!! Haha..instead of watching movie with me, she went out with some other girlfriend. But i still love you, my darling bitch. *muack* hee..bustfriends foreva! Know you're like "eeew..you're still going out with maurice??!!". Haha..i am, as a friend..never as anything else. *grinz*

Maurice and i had dinner at a steakhouse in Cineleisure. Was a surprisingly good restaurant. So was the bill. -_- Didnt watch any movie with him though he wanted cause i caught 2 earlier. Will die sitting too long. I need to move around..

Then we took neoprints...TWICE!!! Sheesh..first one wasnt good enough so we tried once more. I've seriously never taken neo-prints so many times with the same person before. It's called madness. Not me. Him. Yes, him.

Tired. Needa print notes and study.

Tadz.

Outing

Why is it so difficult to get movie tickets??

Though we can't get the tickets, i truely enjoyed the evening with Edward and Jason. Surprisingly, we can get along well. Haha.

Finally, i'll will get to see Maurice after 1 month on Sunday. *grinz* No, we're not together and will never be. Im totally fine with that. Friendship, afterall last longer than a relationship. My theory. Wait, i dont even know if its a friendship we're in. Yea..think so.. *poot*

Havent go to the hospital to see godfather yet. Thanks for all your concern peeps. Appreciate it alot.

It's too difficult to get me to stop smiling, giggling or laughing like a witch..

*STAB MYSELF*

Godfather

Godfather's admitted to TTSH again..im sad..so sad.
I dont know what i can do to help.
His biggest wish is to see me through University, unstated but obvious.
I can only pray and hope for a miracle.
I know he loves me the most, he listens to me only. Not his son or his wife.
I love him alot too.
Alot, alot, alot.

Open up my heart, oh Lord. I need to set my emotions free.

I've been dedicating too much time to my books..no, not textbooks. *guilty*

We've about 7 weeks to Prelims? That's a really short period. No more breaks for me. Time-table has ot be planned out. Needa work on all my subjects before i let myself way down..

Discipline, focus, studying in the right/smart way, and lots of help. No, stress doesn't help one bit.

National's on 20th July. Haven't trained. Being forced to go for track. I'm not left with much a choice..why?? Mr Cox and Mr Zaihan came during assembly and persuaded me to go for the last 2 trainings, before my event.

Interhouse squash competition. Do i even remember how to hit that small black ball? No. Don't think so. Sign up? Forget it.

The only good news is: Kai Kian and I are stepping down from our House posts liao. One burden is almost off.

Hmm..i want that Roxy wallet im eyeing on. So gross having to put all my rubbish into that pouch from Happy House. Unorganised.

Pussycat's fine..she's growing fatter..good..nicer to massage her as well. Sucha gorgeous rodent. *smiles*

I just wanna STAB MYSELF HARD. *grabs a knife*

Youth Day 04'

Happy Youth Day 04'!
[whats the right way to celebrate this occasion anyway?!]

Couldnt catch Spidey at the time-shot i want. WHERE'S MY VISA CARD!!! *pooot*

Was town on Friday
Then playground and Borders on Saturday
Karaoke with family on Sunday
And back to Borders and town on Monday
I swear im slacking like shit
Better get my arse back on books
Not storybooks dumboo

*stabbs myself hard*

No school

Im jealous. Very jealous.

Went out with my "lesbo sister" today. It's my maid Lili lah. *rolls eyes* Saw Lena, Denise, Angela, See Hwei, and Yi Hui at town. *smiles* All from PL..doubt any of you will know-exclassmates and prefectorial juniors. Thrilled..hugged them so tight!

Finally got Dan Brown's book-Angels & Demons. Read his books!!! Start off with The Da Vinci Code. =)

Can't believe i use to read like 120 books a year when i was in primary school and lower secondary. I even got an award year after year for reading so much. -_-

Tadz..

Update: The good books are out on Life section of Straits Times today (030704). Check them out. The 5 people You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom is another awesome novel. =)

Im glad my home library is growing..with books ranging from cookery to chinese to idoms to encyclopedia to fiction to non-fiction to disney to enid to bible to reader's digest to biography to puffin classic to self-help to medical to pyschology to travel to history. I havent even touched some books yet, they're turning yellow and they smell..ancient!

Playground

I fell in love with the playground near my place.
Yes, playground. *grinz*
It's not about the "childhood" thing.
It's about the laughter it brings me.
The swing, the bumper, the shakey suspended bridge, the monkey bars.
My heart got so weak i could hardly talk.
Just knew i was laughing non-stop though i didnt know what made me laugh so hilariously.
Or do i always laugh for no rhyme or reason? Perhaps.
It's the swing. I love it.
I'll play till i feel uncomfortable at my stomach.
Thinking about it, there're lots of sexual imagery at a playground.
Pause at one and think about it. No kidding.
I'll be back for more playgrounds.
No, not because of the sexual imagery thing.
Im not that sick yet.

Notice the song "Accidently in Love" has got my favourite flavour??

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

I refuse to blog about Mid-years. *diSsed*

Ta Ta Tadz.